Excerpt from my journal

I am in a state of complete cognitive lockdown. In layman's terms it's called something along the phrases of  'a writer's block'. I've been racking my brains for
solutions and motivation but in vain. It's like my mind's trapped and is held hostage in a blank space, forcibly being prevented from giving any ideas or thoughts.
"Hmm wierd!" I thought. Not even one month ago I was complaining about how I can never process and prioritize my thoughts and how I always give in to them.
And now here I am complaining about why my mind is void of any ideas. It's been so long since I wrote something that gave me inner peace and utmost
satisfaction. Now it's all just free-writing. I'm pushing myself to write something even though it lacks life and emotion, hoping that maybe someday these dead
passages may come alive and completely consume me, enabling me to produce magic out of them. Journal writing is also helping me but it's more like a mental
journal. Although I do have a three year old journal and a vast collection of thoughts and stories in my mind, not all of them get the privilege of being expressed.
It's due to numerous reasons ; not finding accurate words, forgetting them by the time I prepare myself to write and not wanting to actually write them down. It's
funny, how I used to write in secret during my chemistry study-hour by holding the ridiculously fat material on top of the paper that should actually be used for
'rough work'. The lines used to effortlessly flow out of me and meaningfully arrange themselves on the paper. I used to get that strange sense of pleasure after
completing the write up even though I did it in secret. But now even though I'm surrounded by fellow writers and a favourable environment I'm still not able to
wrap my head around one particular idea which I can develop on. Did I lose the only talent I've discovered and cherished? Well I don't think so because I just
wrote one whole freakin para on how I'm unable to write. Maybe I can still write like before and all I have to do is nurture myself with good ideas. It's never too
late to finish that incomplete blogpost or an unfinished chapter of a novel. I'll just go about it at my own pace and hopefully succeed in it!

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